The Hullaballoo End of the World Personality Test

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The Hullaballoo End of the World Personality Test
as it appears in the "end of the world?" isse #6

As we approach the big rollover on the odometer of time, it seems odd that we've already put nearly 2000 years on this civilization. While the 21st century doesn't officially start until the year 2001, to most of the western world changing all four digits in the year means more than changing just one. And chronological purists be damned, January 1, 2000 marks the start of something new in the eyes of the majority. Just what that something is depends on who you ask. So in an attempt to help our readers find out just what the coming of the year 2000 means to them, we've devised this personality test. Just answer the following multiple choice questions and keep track of how many A's, B's, C's, etc. you've chosen. Then check the answer key at the end of the test to see what type of a person you are. You might just surprise yourself.

1. Where will you be at 11:59 p.m. on December 31, 1999?
A. In the bunker, counting shotgun shells.
B. Times Square. Dancing. Naked. With Ru Paul.
C. On the roof in a lawn chair with a cooler full of Coors, waiting for the Lord.
D. Arkham, Massachusetts, a goat in one hand, a knife in the other.
E. At home in your bath robe watching "Mystery Science Theater 3000" reruns.

2. What song best expresses your feelings about the coming Millennium?
A. "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"
B. Prince's "1999"
C. Tom Waits' "Jesus Gonna Be Here"
D. Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring"
E. REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"

3. What does Y2K mean to you?
A. The Destruction of Western Civilization.
B. A vague fear that your hair dryer won't work on January 1, 2000.
C. The Bible don't say nothin' about no "Y2K."
D. Yogoth! Kthulu! Kthulu!
E. A bunch of assholes screwing everything up and making the economy collapse by withdrawing all their money from perfectly safe banks on December 31, 1999.

4. What's the first thing you're likely to say on January 1, 2000.
A. "Any of those bastards gets through the airlock, Darla, you shoot first and ask questions later."
B. "Wheeeee!!!!!"
C. "Coors, Lord?"
D. "Yogoth! Kthulu! Kthulu!"
E. "Hey Beth, did you notice that Tom Servo's body is made from a "Barrel of Monkeys"
barrel?
5. What book would you most like to have at your side on January 1, 2000?
A. The SAS Urban Survival Manual.
B. The Joy of Sex.
C. The Family Bible, red letter edition, with 24 color plates and authoritative concordance (in case there's a quiz).
D. The Necronomicon of the mad Arab Abdul Alhazrad (in Olaf Wormius' Latin version)
E. The Yellow Pages (open to Pizza).

6. What New Year Resolution do you see yourself making for the year 2000?
A. To have the best kept bunker on the block.
B. To never again funnel vodka after that much acid.
C. To learn to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the harp.
D. To use the powers granted to you by the Ancient Ones to rule the twisted remains of humanity to the best of your ability.
E. To support Hullaballoo by reading it, submitting your own writing or art, visiting the web site, ordering the back issues, and spreading the word.

Now check your answers against the answer key below. If the majority of your answers were:

A. You are an introvert. You are so wrapped up in your little world of persecution, paranoia, and fear, that reality is a totally alien thing to you. You probably fell for all those little "Stock Up Item!" signs in the canned goods aisle at the grocery store. You just stay in your bunker and eat your Campbell's soup.
B. You are an extrovert. You are so driven by the urge to "party like it's 1999" that you will probably kill yourself in the process. Fun is good. Overindulgence in alcohol, drugs, and promiscuous sex with famous transvestites is bad. You suffer from the fear that you're going to miss something. It's ironic, really.
C. You are a religious fanatic, but aside from that, you're probably a pretty decent person. You entire life centers around the coming Rapture when you will be swept into heaven to frolic with the angels. At least your God has a sense of humor and you don't seem too uptight. If this is the end of the world, I hope you make it. If it's not, you're going to be very disappointed.
D. You are deranged. Or else your some weenie little geek with delusions of grandeur who's read to much H. P. Lovecraft. When the hordes of Ancient Ones fail to appear, you'll probably go mad and kill yourself. And I bet you listen to Marilyn Manson.
E. Congratulations! You are a sane and rational individual. Here's hoping that the rest of the personalities on this list don't get to you as we cross the 2000 year line.